Please Ignore the Woman Behind the Curtain

I’m often asked what I do for a living as well as in my spare time.  I puff out my chest and dramatically rattled off the following ” I’m an Author, Public Speaker, Blogger, Business Owner, Church Leader, Pastors Wife, Step-Mother, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

However, I should add one more thing to my list – Master Illusionist.

The question “what do you do?” brings about my check list of answers created exclusively by my ego and pride.  It is an opportunity to project the illusion (or should I say delusion) that I am some kind of wonder woman with supernatural powers.

The impression of my life I like to project is something like this:

I daily awaken with a song in my heart, smile on my face and the energy of a speeding bullet, throw on my cape and jump into action heading out into the world to see who I can save.  Or my alternate-ego of humble servant, just shy of Mother Teresa sacrificing myself for the well-being of those around me.

The reality looks more like this:

I wake up exhausted and VERY crabby, (my husband can verify this, he doesn’t speak to me in the morning in fear for his life).  I usually only sleep for a few hours of sleep, because of my constant mind-chatter.  I check my calendar and pray that I didn’t forget to to put in an appointment or accidentally double book myself.  I create an overloaded to-do list that  includes roll-over items from the days/weeks before.  I attempt to answer messages left on one of 2 phones or emailed to all 5 of my emails, then race out the door hoping not to be late.

Lately, I have been trying very hard to take my own advice and set boundaries that will remove items on my plate that didn’t belong there in the first place in order to be effective in the things that I really want and need to accomplish both personally and professionally.

I want to project this image of myself as the Great and Powerful Oz, however; I’ve realized  that I am merely the woman behind the curtain.  Much like the movie, starring Judy Garland, I try to project an image of having it all together, however; at some point my curtain fell and I’ve been exposed.

Now, with my curtain down and broken Oz projector, I can no longer pretend that I have it all under control because, truth be told, I never really did. (I’ve heard that admitting it is the first step to recovery!)

Admitting this via the World Wide Web, is my way of putting my oxygen mask on and stepping out from behind my curtain to experience a healthier life.  It doesn’t mean I don’t still have all of those titles in my life, it just means that I want to take a healthier and more realistic view of what is important.

So what’s playing on your Oz projector?

For more resources http://www.alongcomesgrandpa.com

One Word that Can Change Your Life

“It’s Cancer”, my sister and I sat trying to compose ourselves and comprehend the significance of what we had just heard the doctor say.  Did he just say that our mom has cancer?  Having worked in hospice for many years, I knew that once the word “cancer” was spoken most of what came after was lost in translation so I focused on being present to what the doctor was saying next.  The doctor continued, “I feel from what I’ve seen that it’s stage 1breast cancer, which means we caught it early and I am confident you will live a long, healthy life.”

The doctor outlined the next steps and answered all of our questions as well as shared statistics on breast cancer.  From his tone and demeanor you could feel his passion and commitment to curing this disease and to my mother sitting before him.  In the 3 hours it took to run tests, take a biopsy and speak with us, it felt as if my mom was their only patient that day.

Sadly, from my years of health care experience, this doctor seems rare.  I have experienced doctors share a cancer diagnosis and then abruptly walk out of the room.  Our hospice staff had in-services for doctors and their staff titled “Breaking Bad News”, however; it was always the staff who came, many times sharing their frustration at how their doctor does a quick “exit stage left” after dropping the C-bomb on a patient.

Today I wanted to share some tips for when the doctor shares life changing news:

• Ask questions.
  • If the doctor is using terminology you don’t understand ask him what it means.
  • If they try to have another staff member answer the questions politely, but sternly share that, as they are the doctor, you would prefer that they answer the questions.
  • Get an after-hours number that you can call to ask questions you may come up with after you leave the doctors office.  Make sure the phone number connects you with your doctor and not the on-call doctor who does not know your family member.

• If you feel comfortable with the treatment option set out by the doctor then move forward, however; it you don’t it is ok to say “no”.
  • Just because the doctor has outlined a treatment option doesn’t mean you have to move forward with it.
  • Do your research.
    • Websites like WebMD have a lot of information that can assist in understanding both the diagnosis and treatment options.
• It’s OK to get a second opinion.
  • There is nothing wrong with seeking a second (or even third) opinion when given a serious diagnosis.

Your focus should be on getting as much information and finding out all of the options available so that you can assist your loved one in making an educated decision about their care.